Hitting Las Noches
by Somerlia
Summary: After a failed rescue attempt that ended in death, Orihime hit Las Noches with full force. Who would have thought that a chair would be a thing that sent it crumbling -in more ways than one!


**Disclaimer: **I don't own bleach.

**Warning: **It's a fan fiction and although it's loosely made for Nnoitra birthday -seeing as he is the person with the second most amount of lines- there won't be much of his tongue or anything like that.

The days in Hueco Mundo went on as if nothing had changed, she felt like she hadn't changed when in truth she had guilt piled on her on the inside.

Her friends had come to save her and they died in vain for a cause that really wasn't worth anything; Ichigo Kurosaki was supposed to be the only person who could save them from Aizen and he was killed trying to save her when in truth it was her who was trying to save them.

The glistening of the moon shined down upon, casting a faint light that made her look every bit as the angel she was thought to be –and in more than one way, was.

She never paid attention to that fact, letting herself fall into the oblivion of her own world where there was no pain and nothing could hurt her.

Except for the fact that it was raining in her world and each tiny drop of precipitation that hit her skin felt like acid; the world she used to use to escape from the pain and horrors of everyday life –of everyday _loneliness_- just seemed to be like everything else –painful.

It wasn't the fact that her friends had died –no, she was more than sure that their deaths meant nothing to her anymore- but more of the fact that they had died _for _her. They should have been wise and seen her as the traitor she wanted them to see her as, but of course they came to save her –although the reasons were nothing more for the fact that she was their healer.

Guilt; that was the only reason she felt bad about their deaths, but she also felt a deep hatred. Not towards the beings that killed them, but towards the fact that they didn't listen to her the first time. It was their fault they died, she made it perfectly clear she was a traitor and they should have stayed away; it was their fault, but why did she continue to feel like it was hers?

"Woman, what are you thinking about?" Ulquiorra questioned when he stepped in the room only to see her standing there with a look of guilt and hatred on her face –it was unreal to see Orihime Inoue look like that when she was supposed to be a ray of light.

Blinking, her expression turned back to normal as she turned to look at him, "Nothing," was her quick and easy lie; although he was sure she knew he didn't buy it, "Ulquiorra-san, I'm bored!"

He would have rolled his eyes had he not been who he was, "Then what do you want?"

She frowned, tapping her hand against her chin, "I can't go outside and I don't want to walk around, hmm…" she mused to herself.

How could she say she was bored and then not even know what to do?

She snapped her fingers suddenly, "I got it! Ulquiorra-san, can I get one of those chairs that spin around?"

He looked at her warily, although the rational part of his brain was telling him to tell her no, the other part was telling him the obvious question; what could she possibly do with a spinning chair that could cause harm?

"Why?" was the question he found himself asking without permission from his brain to do so.

She frowned, "I don't know, I just want the chair!"

This time he didn't hide the fact that he rolled his eyes as he swiftly walked out of the room, leaving her with her thoughts.

"See, you should have remembered this a long time ago! It's their fault they died, you specifically made it so that they wouldn't come for you and they did; so that's their fault, not mine!" she told herself in the darkness of her room with only the light from the moon shining in being the only source that kept her from walking into something.

Her guilt was gone now and so was the hatred, instead she found herself in an oddly cheerful mood as she ran around her room with a bounce in her steps. She jumped from the couch to the table and went in a cycle with a laugh; when was the last time she had laughed in this place? It felt like it had been so long since she laughed at the simple things in life.

"Woman, what are you doing now?" Ulquiorra spoke from the doorway and the moment he spoke she stopped mid jump and fell on the floor with a soft thud.

"Ulquiorra-san, you scared me!" she laughed, ignoring his question and not able to find an ounce of will that would make her scold him from scaring her.

"Aizen-sama has given the okay for you to have this," he spoke, rolling the chair over to her as her face lit up. She jumped on it and just sat there, a smile rivaling Nnoitra's was on her face and he was suddenly worried about her mental state.

Then the chair was spinning and she was giggling helplessly, making him just stand there and stare with a shocked expression on his face.

"How's pet-sama, Ulquiorra?" Nnoitra spoke and then he stopped and looked at the spinning form, "do we have anymore chairs like that?"

"Warehouse," he spoke, not really wanting to know what Nnoitra was up to as he stepped out of the room and shook himself before walking away; it must have been a human emotion.

* * *

There was a crashing sound from inside Orihime's room, followed by a loud giggle; that was the only reason Grimmjow stopped what he was doing and pulled the door open - Only to see Nnoitra and Orihime spinning around in circles on chairs, both of them laughing helplessly when the other fell off.

"What are you guys doing?"

Orihime looked up at him and smiled a goofy smile, "we are having a spinning race since the chair race didn't exactly work well with such a small room; want to join us?"

Grimmjow blinked and they stared at him a moment, before starting to spin again, only for Nnoitra to fall off and his head to shake from side to side as if he was listening to music or high.

"What's a chair race?" Grimmjow questioned suddenly having thought over everything they said and not finding a way to figure out what could possibly be a chair race; he got the basics chair -which is something you sit on- and race –involving beating someone in some sort of event usually responding with speed- but how did those two connect?

"Well we sit on chairs that have wheels on them and then we have to use our legs to pull us and the chair across a finish line –without our butts leaving the chair!" Orihime told him while she was still spinning around, "but the room is too small for us to do that."

"Then why not just leave the room?" he drawled out and they both stopped and looked at him, "what?"

"Can we do that?" Nnoitra questioned more to himself than to Grimmjow.

Grimmjow shrugged, "as long as nobody dies and the girl doesn't escape; who cares!"

"Nobody is going to die!" Orihime exclaimed, looking at them, "you can't hit people or hurt people in chair race or you are disqualified!"

* * *

Two hours later, the only thing that could be heard in Las Noches was the sound of people breathing and snoring.

Except for the loud crash the seemed to echo around in the emptiness and hit everyone in the face; they were alert.

Grabbing their zanpakutous everyone swiftly walked out of their room wearing their night clothes and went towards the sound as another crash was heard; followed by a distinct roar.

"A hollow snuck in?" Yammy questioned, still following after everyone else, "why are we all going to check up on a lousy hollow?"

"Because that hollow interrupted my nap time and I'm going to kick its ass," Lilynette snapped and continued walking as everyone nodded gruffly in reply.

When they got to the room, it was nothing short of a miracle to see two forms spinning around on chairs while two others pushed the chair in a certain direction; sending them crashing into a wall.

They roared in laughter again as the two people who crashed got up and shook the debris out of their hair; trying not to laugh as well.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Yammy was the first to say and the four looked over at him before laughing even louder and falling over themselves trying to stand up straight, "are you guys drunk?"

"Nuh uh," Grimmjow stated, trying to walk straight, but falling over because he spun around too much, "just a little dizzy."

They looked over at the laughing to see Nnoitra spinning someone around on the chair again and pushing it so that it crashed into the wall; the person sitting on it pulled themselves to their feet and shook their heads from the dizziness as they laughed as well.

It was Szayel who crashed into the wall, but it was Nnoitra and Orihime who were laughing the hardest.

"Owie my sides," she gasped between laughs as Nnoitra just nodded through his laughter.

"Aizen-sama, why didn't we do this a long time ago?" Szayel complained, standing up as he shook debris out of his pink hair again and not even realizing Aizen wasn't in the room.

Everyone looked at the four before Ulquiorra being the first to speak, "what are you even doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Grimmjow drawled, "Here, why don't you try!"

Before anyone could say anything, Ulquiorra was pushed onto a seat as Nnoitra, Szayel, and Grimmjow spun it around before kicking it so that it hit the wall before falling over laughing hysterically.

Ulquiorra shook his head, trying to fight off the dizziness, "what the…" was the only thing he could respond with as he stood up slowly and started to walk forward…only to walk into a wall.

That made Lilynette laugh before running over, "me next!"

She sat on a chair and this time Orihime and Nnoitra spun it, before Grimmjow and Szayel pushed it away. It crashed into a wall before bouncing back and hitting Starrk, who in turn fell over as Lilynette was suddenly sitting on his stomach with the chair covering his legs.

Everyone snickered at that, except for Ulquiorra who was trying to stop seeing double.

In the next twenty minutes everyone was sitting on a chair and either using their zanpakutou as oars –or in Orihime's case a spare katana- they raced across the room and crashed into each other as if they were playing bumper cars.

Any injuries Orihime just healed and it went on for hours as everyone laughed and yelled at each other. Until they decided to try and do a test, they put Lilynette and Orihime on chairs and had everyone else spin them as fast as they could; although Tia and Ulquiorra were the only ones who kept their expressions blank as they did.

After a good three minutes of spinning, they pulled the people on the chair as far as they could until they were backed into a far wall while they were spinning, before giving the chair a good push and sending them across the room still spinning around in circles before they both crashed into a wall; followed immediately by hysterically laughter.

That was how Aizen, Gin, and Tosen found them having finally gave up trying to ignore whatever it was they were doing.

"What the hell?" Aizen was the first to speak, looking at everyone carefully. Everyone stopped for a second to look at the three, while Gin looked amused and Aizen wondered whether everyone had gone insane, Tosen just stood there in confusion. It wasn't like he could see what they were doing anyway.

"Aizen-sama, want to join us in a race?" Nnoitra drawled out with a smirk on his face.

Aizen seemed to hesitate as if wondering what he was talking about while Gin stepped forward, "I want to try!"

They set him on a chair before grabbing Aizen and dragging him into one too; then the whole process started all over again.

It was almost three hours later when they stopped to catch a breath and they didn't even notice that Lilynette and Orihime were already leaning against the wall sleeping until just that moment.

"Whose idea was this?"

"Pet-sama," Nnoitra stated, "I've heard of her crazy ideas and food thoughts, but this has got to have been the best one I've tried."

"One, how did you hear about those and two, you actually tried them?" Ulquiorra stated, but Nnoitra just smirked and opened his mouth to speak, before Ulquiorra held up his hand, "never mind, I don't want to know!"

* * *

After that fateful night, Aizen gave up his plans of world domination and decided to just stay a king in Hueco Mundo. Soul Society couldn't get them there since it was their territory so they were free for now.

Orihime was given the choice to go back home or stay here, but she had a reply.

"You have a choice now, you can go back home or you can stay here." Ulquiorra stated one day while they were sitting on the couch in her new room. She stopped drawing and looked over at him with a sincere expression on her face that didn't quite make sense.

"Back home to what?" was her reply, "I'm at home already, in case you didn't notice."

They made chair race a tradition every Saturday and everyday was fun filled after that; even though Nnoitra kept trying Orihime's food against people's warnings and kept getting sick!

And everyone lived happily ever after; except for Nnoitra, who kept getting slapped and food poisoned!

**The End**

**A/N: **It's like the water theory on Halloween! It has nothing to do with each other! This has nothing to do with the plot and was just some random idea I thought of when I decided I wanted one of those chairs!

Yes this story came into being while I was sleeping one night and decided that if I was ever kidnapped the first thing I would ask from them was if I could have one of those chairs ^_^ then I realized the chances of that happening were slim so I realized Orihime might do something like this so I added this all up and Nnoitra -whose birthday is in November- was the only person in the story line with their birthday near so he got the honors of being the second/third main character in this fic.

And yes, this is a crack fic; as you can probably tell. Do you honestly think because people spun around in chairs and crashed into walls while they were sitting on one for almost a day would be a reason that Aizen would decide he didn't want to take over the world? If that's all it took then I think there is something wrong with this world; or maybe something right? o.O

And does anyone really think Nnoitra would keep eating crazy looking food cooked by Orihime? Maybe...just maybe.


End file.
